OMG moment

I had an OMG moment today. I have spent years trying not to be like anyone on my mom's side of the family.
(Real quick version of my childhood-Parents split up when I was almost 6, mom was murdered when I was 6, dad tried to raise but didn't know how & was an alcoholic so I was send to live with my moms youngest sister & her family. Her 2 boys mulested me & she beat any chance she got, as well as put me down & called me names. Then I was sent to live with my moms other sister & her husband raped me for months. At the age of 15 I went back to live with my dad & pretty much took care of myself from then on.)
So, anyways, I have been fighting for years and years not to repeat the learned behavior from my mom's side of the family. It has been a hige struggle and still is. But, today I realized its not only my mom's side of the family but my dad as well. I act just like him. Growing up I always wanted to be like him, but now seeing myself act like him I am very upset with myself. I have a quick temper. I yell first then appoligize. OMG, my dad does the same thing. This is NOT something I was to do. Not a way I want to act. I can't believe I didn't see that before.
I hope I have the strenght to change this!