Another Day

I'm doing a little better today. I'm still pretty depressed. I don't wanna see or talk to anyone right now. I just want to be alone. I don't know how I'm gonna pull that of with hubby having a 3 day weekend starting tomorrow. But I guess I'll muster through it. We'll probably end up fighting. O well. Shit happens. Maybe I'll finally push it too far.
We'll see!

Bad Day

I hate myself, my life and everything about me! I can't even function right now. I want to just explode. But instead Im just crying. I dont know why. I hate this. I want help and dont know where or how to get it.
Why am I here? Why do I have to go through this? Why do I have to suffer like this?
Why couldn't I just have a good childhood with good parents, people who love me and who would show me how to do things in life. How do deal with life. Its sooo damn hard trying to figure it all out on my own. With absolutely no help from anyone.
I dought anyone would miss me if I wasnt here.

Strugglin

I am stugglin to keep my head above water right now. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I'm being drug under and can't stop it.
I have been fighting some depression, again. I don't know how to shake this. I hate feeling like this. I feel worthless. I hate myself and my life. I hate feeling like that even more. This totally sucks.
This isnt the first time I've felt this way either. I have little spells of this off and on. Usually its a matter of a vitamin deficiency, but I'm on a multivitamin now and thats been working for a while. But my body has a way of getting use to things and I think thats what where I've hit again.
Why can't I just be happy? Why can't I just be a happy person? I hate this!
I don't know how to fix it or make it better either. I wish I did.
I wish I had help!

Grillin

We usually grill every Saturday, weather permitting. I have been runnng the grill for a while now. Hubby got a propne gril for his bday so he ran the grill last week end and this weekend. OMG! All the man does it bitch. It drives me crazy. All I want is to grill in peace. Enjoy some nice family time, relax and develop some good family memories for my kids.

But all he does is bitch, bitch, bitch. Of course this puts me a bitchy mood.
Today I wanted the boys to do a lttle grillin. As a kid, when I camped I loved to grill hot dogs over a campfire. So we used the charcoal grill for safety and set a small fire in it and let the kids grill. All they did was complain.
With hubby already putting me in a bad mood I am not taking the kids reaction to well.

UGH!

Whats going on with me

I lost 4 freakin pounds last week. How the hell did I manage that. For some strange reason the less I workout the more I lose. Its the weirdest thing. I just hope I can pull a good number this week. Who knows.
It feels so wird to have lost 15 pounds already. I didn't think it was possible. But it is!

I have been working on 6 weeks of lessons for the kids all week. I just never seem to have enough time to finish them one week at a time. I've got almost all done except I added in a scouts section.
The boys aren't official yet but they are joining scouts, again. I just hope it goes better this time. I'm not in the mood for politics and BS. And the Boy scout leaders better watch out. I will not put up with them putting ideas in my oldests head. Some of the leaders from before were saying things like they are men and can teach my so things I can't cause I'm a woman. WTF! We are a close family and I am a very invovled parent. I'm not a hoovering kind of mom, I just want to be apart of my kids life. Be there to encourage them and see what they accmplish and such.
So, John(oldest) will be joining a troop with 2 of his friends and Eric (youngest) will hopefully be joining a pack close to us. I hoping he won't be in 107. The leader of 17 has some issues. We go back. We worked together on Day Camp and such and we had issues after a while. He's an ass. And he has a problem with my religious necklace. I refuse to hide my religion! So I just don't want to go into that drama.

Anyways, the boys are doing good with school. They are still enjoying it.
They are doing ok on their execising. John just wont gain any weight. And Eric will. John is super skinny and needs to work on his muscles. Eric needs to drop about 13 pounds. He has man boobs. And that ain't good. I started Eric on EA Active so he can get some good workouts in. Hopefully combining that with teaching him portion control it will help.

I guess that all thats going on for now.

Peace Out!

A simple womans day book

Outside my window:
It looks like a bright sunny day. But its only suppose to be in the 70's. We'll see how warm it is when I go outside later.

I am thinking:
About everything I have to ge done. have to weight in, make copies for the kids lessons, finish their lesson, work on the menu & grocery list,go to the library, go to the grocery sor & dow to my dads.

I am thankful for:
a loving supportive husband

Adventures in homeschooling:
We took the week off so I could work on lessons. I ran out of time to do their lessons for this week so we had a "fun week" and I did 6 weeks worth of lessons. They are almost done. Just one subject that was recently added needs to be done, but I can't really do it until Monday evening. I don't like leaving things incomplete.

New creations from the kitchen:
We have still been experimenting with new recipes. Most have been really, really good! This week we have had tex mex casserole, creamy fajitas and creamy green spaghetti. All were a huge hit with the whole family!

I am going:
Crazy....o wait I'm already there

I am reading:
Mastering your metabolisum by Jillian Micheals...

I am hoping:
To be able to lose some weight at my weight in today and complete my to do list with out stress!
(I'm dreamin BIG!) LOL

Around my house: my youngest is watching TV in his room. Oldest is studying his Tenderfoot requirements for BoyScouts.He should have a board of review Tuesday.

One of my favorite things:
A quiet house in the morning

A few plans forthe rest of the week:
The kids will be doing school all week and attending scout meetings.

5 % Weight loss

I have now hit my first 5%. For me that was 15 pounds. I have actually lost 15.2! Wow! I have never lost weight like that before, ever! Its amazing. I feel great! There are still things I'm working on. I am still 289 pounds. Which is a lot! But 15 pounds lost is a lot too. None of my clothes fit right anymore, but I'm cool with it. I did just buy them in Feb. but o well. I am sill working on relaxing more, which has always been a problem for me. But also the exercising. I jumped into this program ready to go. I changed the food and the way my whole family eats, and even started exercising. Daily and a lot. But the more I exercise the less I lose. The less I exercise the more I lose. And yea I said that right. Its so weird. I don't unserstand it. I worked out like one day this week. Monday. And I lost 4 pounds! I was amazed. I really enjoy working out though. But I guess I need to do it less. And maybe not stress myself out over it sooo much.

5/4/11

Well, we found our car. Apparently the theif stole it, took the stereo, speakers, sub and amp out it then trashed it. They punched the dash board and ripped off the rear view mirror. Then they put a brick on the gas pedal and ran it into a field. It went under a barbwire fence before hitting a tree. Its pretty banged up. Were just gonna sell it. we had to pay for the tow bill though to get it released. $166.
I'm just so discusted over the whole thing.