So tired

I am just so tired. I an issue last night an posted to a homeschooling group for advice. Got some advice. But not what I wanted to hear.
Basically they said my rewards system wasn't working. Great. Finally I listened. I don't know what to do. The system it self it fine. It's just not working for both kids.
I just don't know what to do with my oldest sometimes or how to connect with him.
I change lessons cause of him. I change rewards and consequences cause of him.
He thinks he rules the house.
He thinks he can talk to his brother how he wants and boss him around.
He thinks he can do what he wants when he wants.
I just dont know what to do.
I'm so frustrated.
I just want to do the right thing. But what it is?